Three recent issues prompt this piece: the assassination of Paula Deen’s character because of a statement taken out of context some twenty-seven years ago, and a visit with someone suffering from a broken relationship, and my dying brother’s inability to say, “I’m sorry” to the sons he hasn’t seen in over thirty years.
Forgiveness is a big word, but it’s center is GIVE. In our society, we are trained to TAKE, whatever we can, at anyone else’s expense. We are so entitled that we become self-centered and think nothing about stomping on someone else so we can rise above and feel good about it. Why is that?
Christ answered it, so I pass it on. In the Lord’s prayer, a fundamental statement of our relationship to God, we say: “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” I recognize this is strange terminology in our day, but it means we must forgive the wrongs of others so we can experience mercy in our lives. There is not one among us who has not sinned against another, by thought, word, deed, or omission. Secondly, what right have we to judge another’s actions against us? Jesus says to show mercy and caring for the one who offends us. He even forgave those who crucified him. Why can’t we forgive for far lesser transgressions?
In the Bible story of the Prodigal Son, God acts as the father whose son defied him, defiled himself, wasted his inheritance, shamed his family, and then in desperation came running back home where he hoped unconditional love remained. It did. The other part of the story is that the self-righteous son who had stayed at home and done everything right in his own eyes, learned that pride is almost as bad as the sins the wandering brother had committed. No one tells the story better than Jesus:
The Parable of the Lost Son: (Luke 15:11)
“There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate. So he divided his property between them. Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his field to feed pigs.
“He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.’ So he got up and went to his father.
“But when he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthhy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, “Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
“Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back save and sound.’
The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitues comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
“‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'”
Forgiveness is difficult. Even in this story, the son asked for it. However, sometimes we need to take the initiative. Romans 12 says: “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with those of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contary, ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In so doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.'”
We are thinking creatures, emotional creatures, and our memory is better the more often we revisit the hurt.
However, when Jesus says, “Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted,” or “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy,” or “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your father who is in heaven,” or “Do not judge, or you too will be judged, we need to obey. “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you,” or “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” This is the key to living a life of forgiveness and thanksgiving for it, the truly abundant life.
May we walk in forgiveness, show mercy, and enjoy the life God has given us because of his love and mercy toward us.
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