Betty Whitaker Jackson

The Space Coast Writers Guild is preparing an anthology called gratitude. This is the piece I have submitted:

It seems to me we learn to cope with life’s circumstances through facing them with an attitude of gratitude for what we can learn from them.

That being said, when we successfully overcome episodes, crises, or intense situations, upon reflection, we are thankful for the experience because it has: #1 taught us something, #2 resulted in something unexpected, or #3 served a greater purpose.

True, not everyone looks at life as I do. I respect that. I am a Christian, and believe God’s supremacy and His sovereignty. The amazing mystery is that He created and controls the entire universe. Yet, He guides me in a personal way because I have committed allegiance to His purpose for my life. Life Martin Luther, “Here I stand. I can do no other.”

I reject the opinion that religion is an opiate, a crutch, a fantasy, or worse, irrelevant. Again, I respect others’ belief systems, or the choice to believe nothing.

I maintain that God works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform, because I have seen it fulfilled.  I call His way Godincidences, because they have proven true in my experience, and with astounding clarity, frequency, and intentionality.

The world calls unexplainable situations by various names:  circumstance or chance, coincidence or accident, serendipity or freak of nature, luck or magic. The dictionary is full of euphemisms, and culture has its explanations.  How many times have we heard: “It is what it is,” “That’s the way the cookie crumbles,” or “That’s life.”?

I, however, live in the sure knowledge that God is in charge of my every experience; therefore, I know by those experiences that He designs them for my good and His glory. In retrospect, I see His guiding hand, his lessons, and through prayer, wise counsel, and immersion in the Word of God, the Bible, discover His leading and protection.

It is with awe and an attitude of gratitude that He is not merely “out there” but is a very personal presence because He reaches us through sending Jesus Christ as a visible presence, and His Holy Spirit to guide us and point us to Him, Holy yet approachable.

When I look at life through His perspective, my life is inexplicably entwined with His purposes for me and for those with whom I come in contact. Mankind, believers and non-believers alike, forces of nature, and events of historic proportions are used for His purposes and have eternal consequences. The obvious struggle between good and evil is universal, epic, and infinitely remarkable.

It is also intensely personal.

I choose to live with an attitude of gratitude for the big things, such as my personal relationship with Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrificial Presence with me, and for the little personal things which affect my moment in time/history but have eternal consequences. Therefore, even the difficult days become testimonies to His guidance.

I confess I am closer to God’s guidance sometimes rather than others. One of my sinful nature traits is to try to handle things on my own. I tell myself, mistakenly, that I can face life’s challenges on my own.

After all, I learned it early. Isn’t every parent’s task to raise independent, self-sufficient children, capable and equipped to accomplish great things? From applause for first steps to brag centers at graduation parties, we rightly or wrongly preach that message to each succeeding generation.

As the oldest of four children, I was expected to achieve, to accomplish, to be a good example, to look after the others, to be perfect. It has scarred me, placed too much stress on me, somewhat alienated me from my siblings, and in perspective, colored my attitudes and sensibilities.

But God is healing me of that stain of self-sufficiency, and life’s blows have taught me the humility and balance I was lacking.

In a way, I suppose I am still willful, even at three-score-and-ten-plus-five,   like the perpetual adolescent who thinks I am immortal, invincible, that I can accomplish anything, that I am captain of my destiny. Didn’t I just finish my sixth book in three years?

Pride in my education, ingenuity, talents, my belief in the American spirit, the go-it-alone- I can- do-it-myself arrogance can fool some of the people some of the time, but in the long run, this lifestyle leads to bashed dreams, empty promises, and meaningless temporary gain.

With an attitude of gratitude, I have learned through the college of hard knocks that the world does not revolve around my little sphere of influence. I’m glad I’ve learned that lesson. I should say, I am learning that.

As aging occurs, I find less strength of my own. Everything takes more time and energy than it used to. I need to write lists now to remember dates, things-to-do, prescriptions, directions. Coping mechanisms.

It’s God’s way, mixed with common sense, of teaching me to rely on His strength, and certainly His wisdom. It is teaching me to prioritize, to concentrate my efforts on things that may have eternal consequences, things that live on after I no longer do. Legacy things. I’m developing an attitude of gratitude for the memories of past awards and accomplishments, but also the very visible blessiings of appreciation for what I am still called and able to do.

I heed these words from Scripture: “Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.” (Ecclesiastes 12: 13-14). When I daily, even hourly, commit myself to the Lord’s purposes, I discover strength I do not know I possess, I find joy in carrying the burdens of others He sends to me in chance encounters or planned relationships, and I find satisfaction in seeing Scripture come to life in very real terms as I live life with an attitude of gratitude.

Therefore, these circumstances are opportunities for Him to shine and me to fade. I’m learning. Long ago this was an attitude in my head knowledge of God’s grace, but more recently it has become obvious that my heart, my soul, my very being has been miraculously transformed by this knowledge.

I have developed a precept the last ten years. It is summarized in a quote I’ve created to live my life by, just because I’ve learned that prioritizing is not only beneficial to me, but necessary. It is: “If it doesn’t matter in five years, it doesn’t matter in five minutes.” I’m grateful that this precept put into practice diminishes my stress level, and I so wish I had lived by that principle all those forty years of teaching where every day presented new challenges to overcome.

The challenges and difficulties of life change in each decade.

It’s been my experience that crises in my life have not been as drastic as some that others have experienced. Yes, childhood physical difficulties like three operations for a seven-year-old, bullying by playmates and “that’s too bad” comments from adults at the patches over my right eye, the one that could actually see, and glasses on my three-year-old tiny face, did affect me. I remember “failing” the eye test every year in school—fortunately the only tests I failed—in front of all my classmates who seemed eager for me to fail. That hurt.

But now, upon reflection, I realize with my attitude of gratitude, that childhood experiences serve a greater purpose. I have empathy for and special recognition and love for those who may be physically or mentally challenged in some way. I’ve always given them an extra measure of encouragement—those things I felt need of when I so wanted to know I could achieve in spite of difficulties.

God just filled me with things other than physical or athletic beauty and prowess.  And in an attitude of gratitude, as I age not so gracefully, I’m glad I never had to watch my legendary beauty fade, suffering others’ struggles to preserve physical beauty in self-centered attempts to maintain one’s only personal attribute so visible to the rest of the world.

I have an attitude of gratitude that several teachers and others encouraged me to write. My school years were filled with opportunities for which I am thankful, and teachers who saw promise and shaped my voice. I fell in love with words in Mrs. Meyer’s class. I loved debate when Miss Gorman and Mr. Sullivan helped me manipulate arguments, write rebuttals, and see the essence of a topic.

I delighted in Mrs. O’Rourke’s discipline in teaching me journalistic style, although I have struggled to forgive her for telling me, “Now, Betty June, I know you want to be a reporter, but only men can do that job. You’d be a great teacher!”  She was right, I was a great teacher, but she quashed my dream. After all, I was the one winning Quill and Scroll awards and contests and competitions, not the guys who struggled to compose literate sentences. Just sayin’.

What I learned, I taught. My students won writing awards and distinction, and with an attitude of gratitude, I thank my teachers for helping me to bless others with my writing. I found my niche, my God-given talent, and hopefully have influenced many with what they taught and allowed me to teach as well.

And so I express my attitude of gratitude that I can read and write, that I can expand my world through vicariously reading about others who have lived life. I can study the Scriptures. My eyesight is still good enough I can read emails and Facebook, and I, praise God, can even write books, or even this essay, just because I am able and allowed. What a privilege. Those who never think about the loss of these cannot possibly understand my attitude of gratitude. It is immense.

I am indebted to the teachers, mentors, counselors, family members, and friends and acquaintances who have taught, listened, cajoled, advised, disciplined, and fashioned me into the person I’ve become. I have been on the receiving end of what I tried to practice in my career of teaching.

I taught students in seven high schools in five states, and had the privilege of helping shape their thinking, expose them to great ideas, and learn from them as much as I taught them. I have an attitude of gratitude for learning, and the souls of those who prepared me for a lifetime of learning, and for those to whom I passed on the culture and blessing of learning.

And with an attitude of gratitude, God guided me through dating and courtship, helping me develop the character list my future spouse must possess, and then sending me the perfect person to complete me. He is a godly man, and Christ has been the center focus of our relationship from day one. We met in church. We developed our relationship as church ministry opportunities opened for us. He is logical-mathematical, I am verbal-artistic-creative. Together we’re a remarkable team. We love classical music, and have raised two marvelous children, accomplished orchestra string players and teachers.

The long love of a faithful husband, children who are productive, talented adults, and two adorable grandchildren grace my life with overflowing abundance. Much prayer has filled our home; we have faithfully followed Deuteronomy 6:6-9 where it says: “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

Personally, I think moms invented the term multi-tasking. We are masters, or rather mistresses, of its practice. It is indeed possible to stir batter, hip-balance a cranky baby, talk on the phone, let the dog out, and carry on a perfectly logical, even engaging, conversation at the same time.

Only for women, however. We’re wired to accomplish such feats on an hourly basis. I have an attitude of gratitude for those abilities when they were so very necessary. Did I take them for granted? Was I so sleep-deprived, I forgot to be thankful to my Creator for the strength He provided? Probably.

Does it get easier as the kids get older? Heavens no. Just keeping a schedule takes the skills of an engineer, the physical fitness of a guru trainer, the stopwatch accuracy of a timekeeper, the organizational where-with-all of a systems analyst, and the lane-changes of an Indy 500 driver to accomplish.

I uttered many a self-centered please-help-me-God prayer for, “Please, Lord, change the lights to green and find me a close parking space,” to “build a tall hedge of protection around my family today, Lord.”  Yes, He gave me the sense of self-preservation necessary to get the tasks accomplished.

I know now, in retrospect, that His hand was assuring our safety and protection as well as my sanity. I sometimes forgot to live with an attitude of gratitude, but in His grace and mercy, the children made it through with few physical and psychological and theological scars, and our marriage survived and thrived.

The hundreds of students I taught went on blissfully, perhaps never knowing the prayers I prayed, and the ones I forgot to pray, for them and their families. Many of them blessed my life as I adopted them for a year or two, some for life in my thoughts, and I remember most of them fondly with an attitude of gratitude.

Then came the decades of medical emergencies and dealing with elderly parents. The sandwich generation: balancing the needs of children with aging relatives, of career cross-country moves, deaths of those near and dear, and thoughts of how they had blessed, and stressed, our lives. It is indeed difficult to have an attitude of gratitude when grieving; however, even those times are teachable moments. By walking through these experiences, I have been blessed to counsel others who face death squarely in the face of eternal consequences.

In retrospect, each difficult circumstance produced faith. One of my favorite passages in the New Testament says: “We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.” (Romans 5:3-5)

Just when it seemed strength was waning, difficulties were swelling to immense proportions, the prayers of others for us, and our personal reliance on God’s mercy and tenderness towards us, made molehills out of mountains, level plains out of valleys, and calm streams out of raging waters.

In my book Bless You Bouquets: A Memoir, I called this the age of “walking on eggshells” because I was constantly under the pretended, or very real, situation of having to please everyone, of living with little sleep and much responsibility, and recognizing only in retrospect that God was guiding each decision, each influence on our children’s lives, each job change, even each conversation of affirmation or coaxing, to enrich our lives and give us a strong sense of His Presence and care. I remember these experiences with an attitude of gratitude, knowing that my faith was strengthened and that God has been a strong and reliable source of comfort.

Now, to the real attitude of gratitude testimony: To live relatively healthily for 75 years is an achievement. Longevity is a blessing. Proverbs 20:29 says: “The glory of young men is their strength, gray hair the splendor of the old.” I’ve earned every gray hair and smile line on my face, and am thankful for the measure of health I enjoy.

Overweight, deaf in one ear, losing the use of my left hand to a newly diagnosed case of Dupuytren’s Disease, unable to walk straight because my balance is off—perhaps I am an encouragement to assure the spry octogenarians. I am living in the attitude of gratitude for all the years when my body has served me well enough, and that I remain grateful that so far, everything’s fixable, or I can compensate and adapt to live a full life.

We pray constantly, knowing that God has been faithful to all generations, and this one is no different from those to whom He spoke centuries ago. It is with an attitude of gratitude that I confess that God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and that although the times seem chaotic, man’s need for God’s guidance and forgiveness does not change because man thinks he controls his own destiny. I am fully convinced He is Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, and He still numbers the hairs on our heads and is cognizant of each sparrow’s fall.

I know post-modern attitudes find this to be folly, but I am abundantly grateful that I am persuaded that: “Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:38-39). I maintain an attitude of gratitude for this truth.

The freedom to live in our wonderful country, even with all its flaws and invitations to retribution for her faults, I am filled with an attitude of gratitude to have been born in this time and place in history. God has truly blessed me when I think of the alternatives.

A huge percentage of women in this world spend 2/3 of their time providing food for their families, growing sparse crops, winnowing wheat or rice, slaving over wood fires, carrying heavy containers of water from sources far from home, without a voice, without rights we consider necessary, without hope, without medical care, and without solace as they watch their babies die in their arms.  I am truly blessed, and express my attitude of gratitude for my privilege, even my expectations. By no means is it entitlement. It all could be so different.

I am honored to think that my words might influence others. The joy of writing has become almost an addiction to me in my retirement. I have much to say, much until now left unsaid. I now have the ability to publish for little cost. Whether others read my work is immaterial to me at this point. I am not looking to become a world-famous author. Should that happen, I’m not sure I would know how to handle the responsibility and distinction that would bring. I have an attitude of gratitude in thinking I might be used to bless someone else’s life, just as mine has been enriched by other writers who have influenced me. In that, I take great pleasure.

For years I kept a gratitude journal. Somewhere along the way I abandoned that discipline. However, I remember some of the things for which I was, and continue to be, thankful. Sunshine; friends; family; animals; flowers; color; the seashore; good food; a roof over my head, however humble; paper and pencil; my car; indoor plumbing; apples; peacocks; America; love; speech; political campaigns; waterfalls; wildflowers; leisure afternoons; antique quilts; music; health; shoes; kites; laughter; circuses; cellos; castles; clean sheets and a long night’s sleep.  In no apparent order, these are a few of my favorite things for which I now express my attitude of gratitude for any and all to read. One could have a worse legacy, no?