For those considering a move such as the one we’ve just completed (no the boxes are not all emptied, the place is not finally organized, and the paintings are not hung), I’ve learned some lessons that might save you aggravation and grief.
Number 1: because we’ve been so blessed with item s attained over our fifty-five year marriage, we’ve become complacent. While we’ve appreciated owning many of the items others have deemed appropriate, many are no longer needed in our lives. So, we’ve jettisoned things like wine glasses, two sets of extra dishes, including wedding china used maybe once a year, three sets of silverware (only one real silver), clocks, empty picture frames, duplicate games, railroad paraphernalia, over half of my nativity collection, linens we’ve never used or which no longer fit the tables we use, furniture which no longer suits our needs, and anachronistic kitchen stuff. Three appliances to do the job of one are no longer necessary.
Number 2: Do NOT move in the summertime. We’ve made that mistake several times, mostly because of kids’ schooling, I suppose, but this one was just plain dumb. I suppose wintertime in the north is a close second.
Number 3: Figure everything will take longer than expected or that no one can tell time or read a calendar. I am a notoriously impatient waiter. I hate wasting time. Yet, even in this move (a rather simple one twenty minutes away), I’m still waiting for the TV to be mounted, for another set of keys, and we’ve had to wait for the following: the house inspection, the surveyor, the assessor, the walkthrough by the new owner, several realtor dates, the dryer in our new home to be repaired, the Spectrum guy, and now, the delivery of our dining table and chairs, the new sofa, two new chairs, so we don’t feel as if we’re camping out.
Number 4: Be thankful for all the help you can get. Several friends brought us meals when we were literally too tired or too busy to cook or shop. When someone offers to help, accept that help.Thankfully, I had people washing glassware, packing dressers full of “stuff,” taking load after load to Goodwill, spreading mulch so the garden looked presentable, even cleaning moldings and washing windows. So, prepare to have friends by helping by doing things for others before help is needed yourself. All the meals I’ve prepared for others as a love offering paid off when I needed help. All the extra favors I’ve done for others were returned by friends in our move. I’m grateful and delighted both by giving to others, and in asking for help. The latter is not always easy to do, but blessing others is a two-way street.
Number 5: Be prepared for exhaustion like you’ve never felt in your life before. We have moved eleven times, but never before at 83 years of age. Without the help of our children and several friends, we could not have accomplished this move. The last three days my feet have been swollen because I was cleaning m house after it was emptied, and supervising the movers to put boxes in their respective places. We have eaten junk food for weeks. It takes a toll on the body and soul. We have also celebrated three family birthdays the same week we moved, and this week we begin babysitting grandchildren because our teacher-kids begin school on Wednesday of this week. Ask, “Where did the summer go?” and it’s like it telescoped because it was so busy between the decision to move and the actual event. Most of the time we didn’t even know what day it was!
Number 6: Put the picture hooks and other necessary items where you can find them in the dark amorphous someplaces. Same goes for important keys and the checkbook. Watch out for “I put that in a safe place.” Remember, that safe place was in another setting, and where you’re going will, after a while, be familiar enough to have its own safe place. Who knows where that will be? Latest episode: “Where are my hearing aid batteries?” It took two days.
Finally, once everything is packed, on the truck, and delivered, the real creativity begins. It’s like Christmas, birthdays, and anniversaries all together as each box, labeled or not (I recommend labeling what’s in each box_ the adventure of discovery begins. First, you assess what space you have to fill, what is convenient for your new way of life, and where you want to make changes because the previous spots were part of the reason you moved in the first place. There are some absolutes: one, that you will ask or answer: “Where are the lightbulbs, or has anyone seen my…fill in the blanks. Second, prepare to discover things packed in boxes where you didn’t expect to find them. And third, if the movers packed the box, prepare to find unknown things like the contents of wastebaskets, slippers packed inside the kitchen boxes, garden tools in the living room box, and filled garbage bags in the same box with your sheets. Also, in the boxes labeled “Open me first,” you may hope to find your toothbrush, your medications, and important papers you need to sign, but they are in the top of a box labeled kitchen.
As I mentioned, moving is not for the faint of heart or body. Whether it is a company move, packed by movers, or one like our latest one, packed by ourselves, there will be multiple surprises, multiple delays, and multiple unexpected outcomes. Just prepare an extra measure of grace, forgiveness (especially opportunities to forgive yourself for neglecting things that others feel were important), and opportunities to inject humor when it’s most needed. Treat each other with respect, recognizing that everyone is tired beyond endurance, and indeed, settling in can and will take more time than you expect. Allow time to put your feet up, indulge in a glass of wine *if that is your bent) and try to get more sleep than usual. It will all work our in the end, whenever you can possibly pronounce that event. Or just say, it’s that amorphous Somewhen!
When you begin to think about another house, another city, another country, read this blog, okay?
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