St. Paul wrote in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “Give thanks in every circumstance, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” While I embrace this, and I promise you, I confidently try to live this way, knowing God is sovereign and God promised in Romans 8:28 and Philippians 4:6 that He indeed has everything under control for our good if we believe and pray continuously, this has been a week of teeter-totter and a see-saw week.
Remember the elementary school teeter totters, where we urged a friend to get on one end of the plank and we got on the other? We enjoyed pushing off with our feet so the partner could go up high, and, if the partner cared about us, she did the same for us? Remember what happened if the plank hit the ground and we felt the jerk, or if, when your playmate decided to get off, and you crashed downward? The playtime turned into hurt feelings and a sore bottom.
This has been a top and bottom week for me. Last Sunday, I rushed before church to take a ceramic angel to my sister, Dorothy, a patient at Holmes Hospital. She has now been a patient for over two weeks, and when I visited her last Sunday, her eightieth birthday, she was suffering with double pneumonia, congestive heart failure, a raging infection, and barely could speak. I stayed with her for only a few minutes, prayed with her, enjoyed that she loved her gift, and left.
Our other sister who lives in West Virginia and I have talked daily about Dottie’s condition several times a day, fearing all week that it was unlikely she would survive and preparing to grieve. In Monday’s conversation, Ellen revealed to me that, in Dottie’s words, “Someone brought me an angel.” Dorothy did not even recognize me. I guess I was feeling a little sorry for myself after church, too, that only one person mentioned Dottie in conversation, and that only my darling granddaughter asked me, “What’s wrong, Grandma?” She recognized I was not my usual self. It reminded me of the teeter-totter days when I did not always give thanks in all circumstances.
But I did have two conversations which were blessings to me. One was with a dear friend, Rick, who is a mutual friend of Barbara who could not attend church because of a fall the previous day. He showed me her picture. Her face is bruised, her knee is cut and swollen, her elbow is scraped, and she is unable to see because her glasses were broken. In our conversation, of course I mentioned Dottie’s situation, and he encouraged me to think how hard the doctors were working to save her life, and we jointly rejoiced that our mutual friend Barbara had only superficial damage and fell in, of all places, her doctor’s parking lot. She was given quick treatment and lots of sympathy. We jointly rejoiced in God’s providence for her.
Then, after church, while Ev was busy talking with someone else, a dear widow friend, missing her husband who went to heaven three years ago, stopped me and thanked me for one of my books I had given her at the time. She had put it in her bedside table and only now has rediscovered it. She is reading My Psalms Devotional Guide now and is enjoying it. We had a lovely conversation and ended our time together with a sisterly hug.
In both of these situations, I was up in the air, a child again, enjoying the wind in my face, the sun on my shoulders, smiling broadly because I was literally, maybe figuratively, on top of the world.
In the immense world of telling another frriend, “I don’t think Dottie will live through the week,” I was jolted by my own words, because I told this friend, “I really don’t know how to pray. On one hand, of course I want Dottie to regain her strength so we can have more time together. After all, I took four months trying to get her here to Florida in an assisted living situation. We’ve had some good times, outings to stores, concerts, family events, and such. I was hopeful those would continue. I was also feeling the bottom side of the see-saw. The jolt was that her affairs are not in order. We had not yet gotten her Florida permanent ID, not that we hadn’t tried. Our first trip to the Tax Office ended quickly when we discovered she had not brought her Social Security Card or her birth certificate, both of which I told her she needed to bring. Secondly, I had taken her to get her eyes examined and her new glasses were ready. We had planned to get them fitted and pay for them. Third, after talking with a paralegal about our own affairs, we realized that Dottie’s bank account in New York would be subject to probate and high estate taxes and we might not be able to pay her bills for this hospital stay.
Yes, the “devil is in the details,” but that threw me to despair and a stress reaction. Physically, I suffered for three days with a scratchy rash I thought was a reaction to something I had eaten or something I had done to cause me such trouble. One positive was that, unusual for me, I slept well, in spite of the intense itching, because Benadryl makes me sleepy. Another high-low time during the week.
Meanwhile, Dottie’s condition was not improving and she also had a raging infection. It’s been a difficult week for her. They moved her to a private room. She insisted she did not want me to come, another affront to my psyche because our other sister, Ellen chastised me for not going and holding Dottie’s hand. For a while this week, I did not, honestly, know how to pray. On the top part of the see-saw, I prayed for Dottie’s complete recovery, knowing that would take a surgical procedure which doctors are conflicted about her chance of survival, and knowing that her quality of life will be challenging without trying to counteract her congestive heart failure and chronic fluid build-up in her lungs and her need, so far for three blood transfusions. I would, I suppose, ask for her merciful sleep to mean she would have eternal peace.
She, however, says she is not ready to die, gave orders before one anesthetic procedure this week to resuscitate should that be necessary, contrary to the Living Will agreement I thought she had stipulated. So, here we were again, on the teeter-totter. While I am happy (up in the air) that she is receiving excellent care and has had pretty much every test and procedure possible, I am contemplating the cost of remaining in bed for two weeks and the toll it is taking and the probably knowledge that she will soon use all her insurance benefits if her hospital stay and rehabilitation costs are spent in the first month of the year. That’s a real problem if her resources are depleted.
On the positive side, when I visited yesterday, awaking her from deep sleep, she appreciated that I was able to get her glasses and she agreed to let us open a bank account here moving the majority of her account from New York, she was able to sign a check to make that happen. For the near future, she will have two accounts without changing addresses and use of her debit card, and one protected from New York State’s grabs.
While her doctors are divided over whether they can safely repair the leaking heart valve, she has successfully fought off the infection and is still determined she will return to assisted living. I do not want to shatter her dream to get back to her apartment and be able to play bingo with her new-found friends. I will continue to pray that God’s will be done. I know He loves her more than I possibly can.
On another front, our nation has been shocked with events happening like the fires in California, the bon-chilling cold for those unused to snow and freezes, and those in North Carolina and Florida who still suffer through the result of hurricane damage to homes and businesses, and in the last two days, two tragic airline crashes at a time when the new administration is still trying to get the Cabinet established. It’s a see-saw, teeter-totter situation with jolting consequences. Meanwhile, on the other side of the fulcrum, more hostages have been released from Gaza, and major deals have been struck to move businesses to America from over seas. There have been highs and lows this week, and in all things, in all circumstances, I look forward to church today when I can cheerfully say that our Lord is in charge, that I need not stress about circumstances, but rather I need to give thanks that I can be a blessing to others while my own heart is aching. My friend Barbara will miss another Sunday in church, but I know both she and Dottie will worship using livestream, and I can be thankful that the awful downer of Covid resulted in churches making services available for shut-ins and those who cannot personally gather together to praise our sovereign Lord together. That in itself is another see-saw, teeter-totter blessing, and there will be laughs for playground kids who come to an agreement, halfway between up and down, to put feet on the ground and not jar each other with downward jolts.
Once again, I can give thanks in all situations because God is in charge, He is sovereign, and I never need to stress when I put things in perspective. Just as it was true when I first learned “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong, they are weak, but He is strong!” It’s just that things this week jolted me into remembering this simple yet profound truth, and I’m better for putting it all into perspective once again. And that’s a really good thing and a witness to answered prayer. I may not have known how to pray, but I know that He has answered, and it’s all in His hands and for His glory. Amen and Amen.
About the Author
